I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
