why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
