I can text with my tongue
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
