Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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