I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
