So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
