peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
