take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
