I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize