would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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