So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
