What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
