I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
