New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize