he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
