Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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