We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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