I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
