we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize