I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Someone shattered a urinal.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
