I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
