okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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