I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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