sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
