I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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