i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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