If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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