Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
