woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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