what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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