I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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