Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
