Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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