are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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