Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
