you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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