your parents love me but you hate me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
