I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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