The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
