just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
