It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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