tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
