How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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