I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
