got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We are all done wearing pants today
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
