I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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