Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
