I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
