I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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