we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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