I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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