You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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