The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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