I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The air was thick with penises
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
