Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
