her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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