Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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