Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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