Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
