I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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