it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
