I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
