you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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