you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
