I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
